Lil Lucas In A Tale Of New Bills And Old Bills

Lil lucas had the most unforgettable Saturday night ever… it all started of with dinner with him and his extended family at a local favourite restaurant. Due to the fact that it was the Seventh Day of the Lunar New Year, the restaurant was fully booked. And it turns out that many of the tables at the restaurant were ‘extra’ extended relatives and also friends. All unarranged but just happened to be at the same restaurant and on the same Saturday Night. The restaurant specially invited three lions to perform a lion dance ceremony for its customers on the auspicious Seventh Day which is considered the day that is everyone’s Birthday in the Lunar calendar. So the first exchange of new bills was between Lil Lucas and the lions, his parents gave the bills to him and placed them in a red packet. Then Lil Lucas was asked to give the red packet to the lions as an auspicious action to attract good fortune.

After dinner, Lil Lucas then adjourned to his neighbour’s house back home because they had an open house inviting all friends and families over. The next exchange of new bills was again in a red packet, but this time instead of Lil Lucas giving it, he was receiving it from his neighbours. Like a politician seeing government projects that require no tender, Lil Lucas graciously accepted the red packet stuffed with new bills and put the coveted item in his back pocket.

Having drank quite a few glasses of red grape juice at both the dinner event and his neighbour’s open house, Lil Lucas should have retired to bed and called it a night. But having remembered his promise to a friend that he would club on his behalf at the marketplace that fateful Saturday night (seriously just and excuse to go out), he decided that he would keep to his end of the bargain, and force another friend to drive him there. His Bro, a sweet guy agreed, despite looking extremely tired due a busy day.

Lil Lucas had a pretty good time at the marketplace, although he did see a certain C that he didn’t wanna meet, anyway C pretended he didn’t see Lil Lucas as well, so that worked out pretty well. Nonetheless he had a good time meeting some other new people. Towards the end when Lil Lucas was about to leave the club, someone came to him and his bro and told them that the Old Bill was coming for a raid at the marketplace, and that everyone should leave the place before the commotion started. So trying to avoid an unwanted event with the Old Bill, Lil Lucas left the marketplace as soon as he could. Lil Lucas also tried to inform as many of his friends that were still inside the club about the speculated raid, although he missed out one friend, namely Z, because he didn’t have Z’s number.

Happily leaving the marketplace in the car, Lil Lucas was already ready to call it a night when he reached home. However it was not meant to be. On the way back, Lil Lucas encountered a Bill block by the Old Bill. The three people in the car had quite a few drinks already, and Lil Lucas knew he had it in for him this time. The Old Bill was out for fresh crisp new bills.

The whole ritual of the Old Bill took less than 10 minutes. It started off with HOPE-FEAR-THREATENING-CALMNESS. The ritual of HOPE started when the Old Bill asked Bro (who was drivin) to firstly blow his pipe, if it lighted up green, then they were free to go; if it was red then the trouble begins. Knowing he hadn’t had a drink in more than an hour, Bro blew the Old Bill’s pipe hoping for the green light to light up. Of course it didn’t. FEAR started when the red light first lit up, and also the mention of a court attendance and a three thousand dollar charity to the Old Bills official office. Finally THREATENING was the mention of not only a charity donation to the office, but also the obligation of a visit to the Old Bill’s office to sign his autograph book, and the request of their identification contacts and facebook address.

The ritual was well played, Lil Lucas, Bro and their friend were scared shitless. Bro was asked to step out of his chariot and go towards the Old Bill’s horse. All that was going through Lil Lucas’ and the other guy in the car’s mind was that ‘hopefully nothing bad is gonna happen to Bro, and that hopefully the three of us don’t get hauled into the Old Bill’s office to add our autographs to his autograph book’. Bro came back to the chariot with cold sweat rolling off him, only God knows what the Old Bills said to scare him even more. Finally pooling all their resources together, they donated a healthy donation to the Old Bill’s personal choice of charity. The sum totalling two-hundred-and-twenty-five daily newspapers in the glory land of Malaya. That was the donated bills to the Old Bill. Only when the three of them drove the chariot away from the Old Bills block was there CALMNESS that started to sweep over the whole chariot.

Lil Lucas was just glad the ordeal was over. Never before has he encountered first hand the ritual of the Old Bill. Its times like this he curses the Bills for their audacity to parade around the streets and ask for donations to their charity of choice, its obvious from their actions they had no intention to actually nab anyone, all they wanted to do is as for charity donations. There are better tasks for them out there in the dark dark crime ridden city that Lil Lucas calls home, but rather than face the real bad guys, the Old Bill prefers to hang around and perform the Ritual of the Old Bill on Bro, whom was seriously not drunk. Lil Lucas would never have gotten into a drunk driver’s car, and Bro already stopped drinking a good hour before having to drive back. Was the blow job a con job that always showed red? Lil Lucas knows he will never ever know the answer to that question. Finally despite everything that has happened he is also thankful for the greed Old Bill that saved his Bro from having to go through unnecessary legalities.

What’s most important to Lil Lucas was that everyone in the car escaped the grasp of the Old Bill. The crisp new bills can always be found again, but the ritual of the Old Bill is truly an experienced unlike anything, but worth avoiding.

Singing out.