Enforced Mannerism

I may seem a little more relaxed and gay mannered around my gay friends, which would prompt them to think that I am very out. But in actual fact, I view myself as someone that is quite very much in the closet and not ready to come out to the world yet. Frankly speaking, only a very small number of my straight friends are privileged to the information that I am gay, and I believe myself to be predominantly straight acting around the people that has no knowledge of my sexual inclination.

Hence that is why I was pretty shocked when a couple of my gay friends recently pointed out to me that I am in fact very ‘obvious’ (obviously gay) and they can definitely tell that I am gay. This comes as a shock to me because all these while I thought I was straight acting, yet now I am suddenly branded to be ‘obvious’?

A friend even went as far as to say that I am feminine… Wow, so all these while I thought I was straight acting, and all of a sudden I am supposedly acting feminine?

I guess this is a wake up call for me to rethink my mannerism and actions in public, its time for me to become more straight acting until I am comfortable enough to step out of the closet. I am at that point in my life whereby I am still dependent on my family for my education and living expenses, therefore I cannot risk them knowing and throwing me out in the streets with nothing to fend for myself.

Finally, wow feminine? Hahaha that seriously came as a blow to me… feminine? Seriously? Seriously? LoL… No offence to the femme gays out there, I luv you guys, but I frankly don’t see myself as femme…

Signing out.