I am SUPER -ficial

Sometimes I ask myself the question, how superficial can I be? Presented with the circumstance where I have to choose between a hot guy that’s into me, but not really intellectually compatible (either too smart or too dumb); and a fat guy that totally get me and me him, but just isn’t hot physically. Would I pick the guy based on his personality and character? Or would I pick a guy that’s hot.

There really is a bit of thinking to do when presented with that situation. I’m still young, and despite not being hot or good looking or anything… I’m still young, so that’s certainly a decent quality that is likely to score me a hot guy right? Right? (eww, hates the eerie silence whenever I ask that question) Anyway, if I were to casually date a hot guy now, and then start looking for someone with more substance (not just the white gooey stuff all men produce), when I’m a little bit older, that would be okay right? Wrong, coz that is superficial, isn’t it? Is it?

Assume I met my soul mate, which unfortunately I haven’t, and passed him up for any other generic hot guy because I keep telling myself I can still find him again when I’m older. And what if when me and (assuming la) the hot guy breaks up and I go back in search of the not so physically attractive soul mate, and he’s gone… wooped up by someone else who treasures his qualities and acknowledged it before me, overlooking his physical flaws… what then?

Okay then assume I started to date my soul mate, and we spent the rest of our lives happily married. That would mean I’d have never actually have a relationship with someone hot ever before. To be clear, I have never been in a serious relationship before. So yea, and as superficial as it sounds… I do want a hot bf… who doesn’t. But I also want someone who gets me… but let’s face the facts… those two qualities never come in a single package… hardly ever.

So assume I really find myself in such a situation, would I be making the mistake of passing up the unattractive soul mate for a hot guy? Or would I be doing the ‘logical’ thing and never satisfy my fantasy of having a hot bf? One thing for sure is that I’ll not be doing both of them at the same time, coz that would be totally against my principals… unless they are both hot and they both get me… then of course I’ll do them both, at the same time… because if they get me, they’d understand… right? Ahaha wrong… I’m just kidding as usual.

Signing out.

Queer Matrimony Talk

I went to another Queer event this week at uni, and this time it was a lunch time Queer themed discussion. I’ve got to admit I was a little late for the event, so like a misguided sheep, I stumbled into the discussion half way through as I was in a study group meeting just before. I’m not sure what the other participants were thinking when this Asian guy, who barely looks gay, waltzed in half way through the discussion… probably thought I was rude, but eh… what the hell, I don’t care.

The discussion this time was on same-sex marriage, and wow, this really was an eye opening discussion for me. I really didn’t know there were so many takes on this one issue, frankly speaking I was always under the impression that all Queers were for gay marriage… but apparently not.

Picture swiped from the Gay Times

For starters, there are gays that are totally for same-sex marriage, I for one am totally for it. I mean if the breeders have the right to a legally binding happy marriage, then I think we all deserve to have one too. I mean it’s only fair, isn’t it? By denying us the simple liberty of marrying our loved ones, the law is compromising on our rights as equal individuals, and that’s just unfair.

And then there are the what I would call rather ‘promiscuous’ gays, which really don’t care two hoots about gay marriage because they don’t see the need for one… my respond to them is they don’t need one for now… but if they don’t fight for the rights now, then when they find the ‘one’ to marry in the future, they’ll find that they do not have that option because they turned it down, by not caring.

Then apparently there are gays that are against same-sex marriagel… Their point of view sees gay marriage as homosexuals conforming to public ‘hetero’-homosexuality. Some Queers actually think that by wanting to get married, like the heteros, we’re somehow betraying the very essence that we are different from them, that we are Queer.



And some homo’s think that when some gays and lesbians want to fight for marriage rights, they’re turning their backs on their community, the Trans, the leather, the ‘man-boys’ group (no kidding, I just learned there is such a thing) and all the various other homosexuals that do not necessarily strictly fit into the gay or lesbian category. These people feel that pro-gay marriage advertisements and posters all only apply strictly to the vanilla gay or lesbian crowd, not everyone in the GLBT community, so if the gays and lesbians accept that, they are in fact betraying their very own wider community.

Well apparently for some societies, being gay means that you automatically inherit the whole GLBT society. Now… I’m not sure what I really think about this yet, guess I gotta sit on this one and decide again where I stand.

Signing out.

How Much Would You Learn?

How far will you be willing to go in order to find your better half? Had this conversation with a friend the other day… what do I mean by that? For example if you liked a certain stereotype of guy, how far would you go in order to get closer to that particular community of stereotype? In particular would you learn the language?

For example if you like Japanese stereotypes… the same guys you always see in Japanese porn… would you go the extra mile to learn the Japanese language? Would you learn to make certain Japanese dishes… to attract a Japanese boyfriend?



On the other hand if you liked latino stereotypes… Will you be wiling to learn Spanish? And what do I mean by latino sterotypes? I guess its your usual Spanish looking hunk or latin American looking hunk!



I get the feeling my friend (the one I was having this conversation with) likes the typical blond haired blue eyes stereotype… that is very much my type as well :p so in terms of a blond haired blue eyed stereotype, would you be wiling to learn a European language such as german or French to get closer to that sort of stereotype?



Of course apart from leaning their language, you can also learn to cook their dishes, or watch their movies/ books, so that you can better strike up an intellectual conversation with them…

Here I have just covered the regional stereotypes, but nonetheless there are a lot more... would you watch star trek and star wars if you were into geeky stereotypes? Or would you watch sports in order to attract the masculine straight acting type of guys? Would you learn to surf if you like the typical surfer boy types? And would you try to learn more about wine culture if you liked the pretentious preppy type boys? Of course not to leave Takashi out, if you like the gym-bunny stereotype, would you start going to the gym more often? To either lift weights or join group fitness classes?

I guess the list goes on and on… and you can go all out of your element to learn a brand new subculture and/or language, just to attract the type of guy you like. But is that worth it in the long run? Maybe to satisfy a temporary lust, but would connecting with someone from a completely different culture or speaks a totally different language be feasible in the long run? I guess it depends which school of thought you subscribe to… opposite attracts? Or guys from the same community/culture would be able to communicate better in the long run?

I personally believe in a mix, not too much similarities and also not too polar in terms of differences, I think that is the best mix for a successful relationship.

Signing out.

A Common Gay Asian Predicament

I have very much enjoyed the local food here so far since my trip back, and the weather hasn’t been too bad as well. The one thing I find very difficult to deal with is my mom. She has been bringing up one subject time and again over the past few days…

“Why don’t you have a girlfriend yet?”

“Do you mean to say you cant find a good girl over in Melbourne?”

This trip back in particular, my mom has been trying to pry in to the fact that I still don’t have a girlfriend. I’m starting to think that she really feels I am gay, and that she is now trying to pressure me into getting a girlfriend by her incessant asking.

In the past there was a time when she saw stuff on my computer that may have prompted her to guess my sexuality, but I thought that has blown over and that she has already forgotten about that. Now more so than ever, with her constant questioning about my single-ness, I think she has yet to forget that incident where she saw a few ‘guy’ pictures on my computer. (very mild ones)

Frankly I have a lot of trouble dealing with this particular question of hers. All I can answer her for now is that no girl finds me attractive, and also that I want to concentrate on my last year and have no time for a girlfriend. This is in part true... if you apply it to a boy, because so far I haven't attracted any guy attention nor am I actually actively looking for one... for now... if it comes it comes...

Hopefully in the future when my mom is ready for it, and when I'm ready for it, I can tell her the truth that I'm looking for a bf, not a gf

If my mom still persistently question me over the next few days on this issue, then I think I’m gonna have to pull the sympathy card on her. I sorta have it all planned out… If she still asks me about a girlfriend, I might answer her,

“mom, can you not keep asking me about a girlfriend? I have been trying all semester to get one, and still cant find one, so I’m already quite dejected about the girlfriend issue… so can you please stop asking me about it so that I don’t feel miserable?”

So it might work if I hint to her that I was rejected by a girl and am quite depressed on the whole girlfriend issue… that way she might drop the issue if I’m lucky.




Signing out.

Knowing Your Fuck

Is it perfectly okay with having friends just for sex? Well I’m not talking about friends with benefits… but more like people you know purely for sex, more like a sex contact.

In my understanding, friends with benefits, FWB, are people you know and can hang out with as friends… but also do have a non-romantic sexual relationship with. And a sex contact, SC, is someone you meet purely for sexual relationships, outside of sex, you guys want nothing to do with each other at all.

As a disclaimer, I currently neither have a FWB nor a SC, but have been speaking to friends about it and it kinda got me thinking…. I was wondering how could you actually have sex with someone you do not feel any emotion for other than lust?

In that sense a SC is a turn off for me because I find it very hard to make luv with a guy I know nothing about apart from his package, his six-pack and bubble butt. Even if we’re just gonna be FWB, I suppose I have to at least get to know you a little before I actually do it with you. I don’t want the relationship to be a meet-hi-fuck-shower-bye kind of relationship.

At least lets go for dinner, or a coffee and talk a little, get to know each other before we actually fuck, that’s the way I like to go about it. Then if we both feel sexually attracted, then yea lets do it :) With that said, FWBs are a sensitive space… you guys are definitely friends… but you can never be close friends. Because frankly once you’ve fucked someone… things change. I suppose that is also one of the reasons I don’t just try to make all my hot friends around me a FWB, coz I most certainly treasure their friendships and do not want it to become weird. Haha that’s me being conceited to think that my friends find me attractive enough to sleep with in the first place :p

And I want to make it clear I’m perfectly okay with other people doing it with their SCs, its just that I personally wont do it coz it’s a turn off for me. So its certainly not because I judge you or anything, I’m perfectly fine with how you want to run you life, so you should let me run my own life by finding SCs a turn off. Lol, that was me ranting to my friend when he says I was judging him. I’m not, its just not my thing, that’s all, I like to ease into the sex… and by easing, I don’t just mean foreplay.

Signing out.

Two Timing Married Man

Been having a bit of a problem lately… One of my friend actually fell for a married guy, and I’m not the least bit happy about it. My friend fell for this guy in his early thirties that is actually married, so the first thing I did when hearing it was to give him the official ‘Wat Tha Fuck’ look. Then I started to probe more into the matter.

Okay early thirties is not nearly that old... but this is how I'm picturing him, a married men cheating on his wife and my friend

It turns out the guy finds that he likes my friend better, and that his marriage is supposedly not valid anymore since its supposedly almost broken up. So I then asked my friend if this married dude is gonna get a divorce soon? And he said yea the guy will get a divorce soon. And then I asked if the guy was still living with the wife? And my friend replied yes… again I gave him the ‘Wat Tha Fuck’ look.

So apparently he explained that he is still only with the wife because the married guy wanted to make sure he has a future with my friend, before actually leaving his wife… cause he doesn’t wanna end up alone if he and my friend doesn’t work out.

WAT THA FUCK!!!

I was shocked… it was as if my friend was being used as some sort of safety net for that guy’s happiness, or the wife was his safety net… I don’t know. But that guy is seriously a jerk, if he can expect to continue living with the wife as a married couple in the event he and my friend doesn’t work out, then that certainly means their marriage isn’t over yet and they aren’t even close to filing for a divorce.

I can totally see that he is only trying to get my friend to sleep with him, as a sort of toy boy… I hate to see my friend being used like that, but I just don’t know how to get it into that thick skull of his. OMG… I’m at the end of my wits on this matter.

I think whether you are straight or gay, its only okay to start dating when both parties are completely out of a marriage binding relationship. To say that you just wanna make sure the ‘affair’ works out before leaving your wife is the words of a weak and cowardly man. If you wanna truly love another person, then you gotta give it your everything and hope that it works out. There is no such thing as a ‘I’ll remain married just-in-case’ clause. Fucking decide if you are gay or straight, or if you are married or divorced! Seriously fuck him… and also the people that would believe his words. I just hope my friend comes to his senses soon…

Let me just end the post by saying that I have nothing against dating older men, just not older married men.

Signing out.

You Belong With Me!

Taylor Swift is one of my favourite artist of late, her song so closely resembles what a lot of high schoolers go through… and maybe because of the high school theme, it makes me think of my younger days, and that is why I have fallen for her songs.

I particularly like ‘You BelongWith Me’, partly because the guy in the music video is sooo cute, but also because I feel I can totally relate to that song as a gay guy. The song could very well have been sung by a gay guy to one of his straight buddies or guy next door that he had a crush on.



You see the references in the song totally fits the bill, it could have been a guy singing it instead of a girl;

“But she wears short skirts
I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain
And I'm on the bleachers”

“She wears high heels
I wear sneakers”


Obviously guys wear t-shirts, and obviously if our buddy is out on the field playing sports for the school… we’re on the spectators’ bench supporting him. (Bleachers in the US mean spectators bench) And compared to girls, obviously us guys wear sneakers rather than high heels right? Well… unless you’re into drag, then it’s a totally different story.

And sooo many of the references in the song resembles what we do most with our best buddies,

“Walking the streets
With you and your worn out jeans
I can't help thinking
This is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench
Thinking to myself
Hey, isn't this easy?”

Don’t we spend so much time with our best buddy when his pesky girlfriend isn’t around, so much so that we feel that we were meant to be?

“And you've got a smile
That could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in awhile
Since she brought you down
You say you're fine
I know you better than that
Hey what you doing
With a girl like that”

The best buddy always had the bestest smile in the whole world, and sure… when he first got a girlfriend, he was very happy. But after a while, we as a close friend can see that she was bringing 'you' down… yet you still stayed with her… and at times even tried to trick us, your bestest buddy in the whole world, that you are fine. As if we would fall for that.



And here we are always…

“Dreaming about the day
When you wake up and find
That what you're looking for
Has been here the whole time”

Hoping that you’ll realise the obvious, that…

“she doesn't get your humor
Like I do”

and

“She'll never know your story
Like I do”

And also realise all the ‘non-physical’ intimate times we spent together when…

“Oh, I remember
You driving to my house
In the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry
And I know your favourite songs
And you tell me about your dreams
Think I know where you belong
Think I know it's with me”

Finally like all crushes on your best buddy, we would hope beyond hope…

“Can't you see
That I'm the one
Who understands you
Been here all along
So why can't you see?
You belong with me.”

But after all that, waking up from a dazed dream… we would realise that the reality is that you are straight… and always will be. And then and only then, will we accept that you will have to find your way in the world without us being by your side… but with another girl… your other half…


*update* I realized I changed the tone from describing the buddy as a third person to directing the post at him...


Signing out.

Neither Here Nor There

“So like how long are you gonna be here again…?”
“three months”
“oh I see… cool”
*prospective guy loses interested in me…*

Sigh, that is the typical conversation that starts and ends whenever I meet potential new guys. You see… because of my education… I’m neither here nor there… out of the twelve months, I’m usually in Malaysia for the first two months… then back to aussieland for four months of first semester… then back to Malaysia a month for winter break… then again back to aussieland for four months of second semester… then back to Malaysia again for the first month of summer break (rinse and repeat after that). That means that I’m in Malaysia for four months, and in aussieland for eight months.

Jan -My
Feb -My
Mar -Au
Apr -Au
May -Au
Jun -Au
Jul -My
Aug -Au
Sep -Au
Oct -Au
Nov -Au
Dec -My


Well, you may ask why do I travel back and forth and not just stay in aussieland till the end of year summer break… that potentially means I will be in aussieland for nine months straight, and not break it up with a one month break in between back in Malaysia. Well, you must understand that I’m the single child of the family… (I will personally twist your nuts off if you even dare to mention anything remotely close to the sentence ‘soooo lucky!’… seriously) so… that’s why I have to come back to Malaysia to spend time with my parents. So family mostly explains why I travel back and forth so much.




Okay so what is the post about? It’s basically me ranting about not being able to get a stable longtermie coz I’m never in one place for more than four months. I mean, honestly I wouldn’t wanna date myself… Being separated for months in between is really hard to handle… so… does this mean I’m implying that I cannot be loyal to my luved one in a long distance relationship (LDR), which is not it… I believe I can be loyal… but being human… I may be able to control myself… but I certainly can’t control my other half right? Not half way across the world (eight hours flight… if you were wondering about the distance between Kuala Lumpur and Melbourne).





Sigh, I feel that by not staying in one place for a long enough time really hinders my selling point as a eligible bachelor… guys usually shy away the moment they know that I will not be around for months at end. And like I said, I don’t blame them. So the only ones I attract are the ones interested in one night stands… I may do that… sometimes (not admitting to it… just may) but that is really not my cup of tea… I may not believe in a lifetime relationship… but I still do believe in a committed relationship, and certainly one that involves commitment lasting longer that a single night.

So one more year for me this year… assuming I don’t fail anything… then I’ll graduate in December and can finally decide where I’m gonna stay put. Whether it be aussieland… or the land that is truly Asia. Then… and maybe then… I can finally find someone that will date me long term. Until then… its just me, myself and I…
(I know that last sentence was emo… but I do feel that way sometimes)

Signing out.

Half Your Age Plus Seven

Today I went out to have dinner with Takeshi and Evann, both which I consider friends that also happen to be bloggers :) remember not blogger friends, but friends which happen to be bloggers… or as Takeshi so insistently says GAY bloggers. Anyway, dinner was at the Curve, sorta to kick start Takeshi’s big week. Woohoo… Another of our friend Julien also came for the dinner, he isn’t a blogger… but… maybe with some convincing he’ll start one soon :P

Well, there came a topic of how young a guy will you date, hence the title. Half your age plus seven, we sorta came up with a winning formula (mostly inspired by Evann though) that should dictate if the guy you are dating will be suitable for you. Okay let’s see how it works... I recently turned twenty-three, so half my age plus seven would be eighteen-and-a-half. Well… to be honest, I don’t really think this is a winning formula… its not gonna win any noble prizes in my world…

Okay but then again I guess I’m a lil bias, coz I recently had a crush on a seventeen year old. Let me repeat that’s a CRUSH, which is totally different from liking, and even further away from falling in love with. So yea, it was only a crush and I’m over it now. But then again, Taylor Lautner is only seventeen right? So I guess I still have a crush on a seventeen year old :) Omg, he is soo freaking hawt!!!

Anyway I can already hear all the judging in the background… I can even hear some of you shouting “pedo! pedo!”, so before you judge me, I’m no pedophile… the legal sexual consent age in Malaysia is 16… I checked (according to Wiki) and besides, it was just a crush, simple as that, nothing more. And he doesn’t at all act like he is seventeen.

These boys are obviously above seventeen... but they look younger or around there...

So anyway, according to Half your ages plus seven (HYAPS), I should not even think about dating this seventeen year old until he is twenty. That’s three years from now, meaning I would be twenty-six, so half of that plus seven is twenty… exactly his age. Err… so… is he like a fruit or something? He won’t be ripe for me till he is twenty… but he will be ripe for someone twenty (HYAPS = seventeen) Wait a minute this doesn’t make sense… So if I can date him in three years time, and since seventeen is already over the age of consent, why cant I date him now?

Another thing that possibly breaks this formula is… the rule of compatibility. Okay let’s see, I’m compatible with a twenty year old guy, since he is older than my HYAPS of eighteen-and-a-half, but I’m in-compatible with the seventeen year old. However the seventeen year old will be compatible with the twenty years old because the twenty year old’s HYAPS is seventeen. So… I bet you see where this is going. If I’m compatible with the twenty year old, I should also be compatible with the seventeen year old right? Maybe… but then again… a straight guy can hook up with a straight girl… and the straight girl can hook up with another straight guy… but the two guys cant hook up with each other… not unless they are batting for our team :)



Haha, anyway, its up to you guys to judge if it’s a winning formula for you… any of you guys who have violated the HYAPS rule and dated guys younger than you? Did it work out? Did it last long? I wouldn’t know the answer to that question, coz I didn’t officially date a guy below my HYAPS age.

Signing out.

Sweethearts

Something I always regret not having is a high school sweetheart. I went to a co-ed school, and a lot of my friends ended up having boyfriends and girlfriends with people from the same school, that was something I couldn’t have and truly envied them for it. I guess like now, back in high school, I was never a very attractive guy, if I had to criticise my high school demeanour… I was always over opinionated and also always overweight. So because of these unpleasant qualities, even though all my friends slowly one by one paired up with each other… I never really got a girlfriend.

I guess more importantly the reason I didn’t get a girlfriend (like the rest of my guy friends) wasn’t because the girls weren’t interested in me being over opinionated and overweight, it was more so because I simply wasn’t interested in them. DUH, I was more interested in guys of course. And since it was Malaysia, there was no way I was going to come out of the closet to look for a boyfriend and expose myself to the chance of being alienated by all my other school friends when they find out I’m gay. So throughout my high school in Malaysia, I remained single despite the fact that I always dreamt of having a high school sweetheart.

After high school life in Malaysia, I did a few years of high school in an Australian boys’ school. Wow! Lots of eye candy indeed. But even though Australia is a much more liberal and supposedly non-discriminating country, I remained in the closet and didn’t come out in search of a high school sweetheart. After all I was just an outsider cutting into their school for the last few years of high school. I very much wanted to just blend in and be accepted by the students there, the last thing I want is to out myself and risk being ostracised by my new found friends.

This finally brings me to uni, where I started seeing guys from other unis and some that were even working. I actually never once dated a guy from my uni. Hmm… if I can’t have a high school sweetheart, then the least I can do is get a uni sweetheart right?

What is my idea of a high school/ uni sweetheart? Well it would be someone from the same uni that I go to, that would be able to catch up with me in uni during lunch breaks and eat cheap yucky canteen food together; or wait for each other’s lectures to finish so that we can walk each other home; or to meet up in the library to study together for exams; or just to sit down in one of the many cafes in uni for coffee between lectures. That’s my fantasy idea of a high school/ uni sweetheart, someone you date that shares the same education life as well as life outside school with you…



I have yet to fulfil this dream of mine and as usual, time and tide waits for no man, gay or straight. And I have but one year of uni left to fulfil this fairytale fantasy of mine. With the final year always being the toughest, I wonder if I would have the time for a uni sweetheart this late in life… Nonetheless I can truthfully say that if the chance does present itself, I would gladly grab it regardless of how busy I am. Who knows, maybe I can study better when my uni sweetheart is by my side :P



Signing out.

Liking The Things We Can't Have

Maybe its just me, but I personally like to blame it on human nature, the fact that we always want the things we can’t have in life. Examples of this would be like buying a very expensive item, when we don’t have it yet… we make up all kinds of reason to buy it… all the advantages of buying it. The elusive and expensive item that we cannot afford, more often than not, seem to be very very useful and attractive. But once we’ve finally saved up enough to buy it, all of a sudden the item seems very normal and after a while the novelty of owning it is lost all together. Another example of this would be when we go out to eat at a fancy new restaurant (which doesn’t happen often enough for my liking), we often find that the dishes we order are inferior to the dishes our friends order, their choices always seem to be better both look wise and taste wise. I’m not sure if these events frequently happen in your lives, but it sure does in mine… I guess this are just all signs of me wanting the things I can’t have.


Okay, you probably can already see where all this is leading to… yes, its all about guys, as usual. A while ago I was going out with a guy that was really sweet, there was however something about him that was missing… that felt incomplete to me. It was as if he was nice, but was not the ideal candidate to be my other half, we sorta tried the whole dating thing, but maybe because of my lack of enthusiasm… which he must have sensed, the whole thing didn’t work out, but we still remained friends.

I recently caught up with him again, and he has changed quite a bit since the last time we were going out together. His views were more mature, and his outlook on life was broader and more realistic. All of a sudden, I wanted him again… I felt he has really come a long way and this positive change was good for him. This change in him gave me the feeling that I could really connect with him, and that we were closer to the same frequency now, compared to back then when we were dating.

Alas, he is attached now… So I can’t help but think to myself, am I liking him sooo much more now because I can’t have him? Or should my reignited attraction to him be attributed to the fact that he has changed to become a better guy? Regardless of the answers to those questions… in hindsight I guess there are aspects of me that have to be changed. For one, I need to stop liking the things I can’t have, and start appreciating the things that are before me. And also I need to start believing that people do posses the potential to change and become a better person. Now thinking back to when I was still dating this guy, if I had appreciated him more, or if I saw his potential to change for the better… We might still be together today… who knows? Right? But I guess that answer to this question would forever more remain unanswered.

Signing out.