Sweethearts

Something I always regret not having is a high school sweetheart. I went to a co-ed school, and a lot of my friends ended up having boyfriends and girlfriends with people from the same school, that was something I couldn’t have and truly envied them for it. I guess like now, back in high school, I was never a very attractive guy, if I had to criticise my high school demeanour… I was always over opinionated and also always overweight. So because of these unpleasant qualities, even though all my friends slowly one by one paired up with each other… I never really got a girlfriend.

I guess more importantly the reason I didn’t get a girlfriend (like the rest of my guy friends) wasn’t because the girls weren’t interested in me being over opinionated and overweight, it was more so because I simply wasn’t interested in them. DUH, I was more interested in guys of course. And since it was Malaysia, there was no way I was going to come out of the closet to look for a boyfriend and expose myself to the chance of being alienated by all my other school friends when they find out I’m gay. So throughout my high school in Malaysia, I remained single despite the fact that I always dreamt of having a high school sweetheart.

After high school life in Malaysia, I did a few years of high school in an Australian boys’ school. Wow! Lots of eye candy indeed. But even though Australia is a much more liberal and supposedly non-discriminating country, I remained in the closet and didn’t come out in search of a high school sweetheart. After all I was just an outsider cutting into their school for the last few years of high school. I very much wanted to just blend in and be accepted by the students there, the last thing I want is to out myself and risk being ostracised by my new found friends.

This finally brings me to uni, where I started seeing guys from other unis and some that were even working. I actually never once dated a guy from my uni. Hmm… if I can’t have a high school sweetheart, then the least I can do is get a uni sweetheart right?

What is my idea of a high school/ uni sweetheart? Well it would be someone from the same uni that I go to, that would be able to catch up with me in uni during lunch breaks and eat cheap yucky canteen food together; or wait for each other’s lectures to finish so that we can walk each other home; or to meet up in the library to study together for exams; or just to sit down in one of the many cafes in uni for coffee between lectures. That’s my fantasy idea of a high school/ uni sweetheart, someone you date that shares the same education life as well as life outside school with you…



I have yet to fulfil this dream of mine and as usual, time and tide waits for no man, gay or straight. And I have but one year of uni left to fulfil this fairytale fantasy of mine. With the final year always being the toughest, I wonder if I would have the time for a uni sweetheart this late in life… Nonetheless I can truthfully say that if the chance does present itself, I would gladly grab it regardless of how busy I am. Who knows, maybe I can study better when my uni sweetheart is by my side :P



Signing out.

Back From A Getaway

So after a few days in Sydney, I’m finally back in Melbourne in my own sweet apartment. Sydney is a great place for a holiday, but probably not so suitable for staying long term. The city is very messy, and the traffic there (both human and vehicles) is really chaotic. Nonetheless I really enjoyed my stay in Sydney, and I’m thankful to all my friends that were hospitable to me when I was in Sydney.

I was only there for a few days, so I didn’t really get to see much of Sydney, but I did visit all the ‘Tourist-Must-See’ spots. Places including the Harbour Bridge, the Sydney Opera House, the Rocks Area, Bondi Beach, the Fish Market and the Blue Mountains. Here are some pictures taken of the places I visited.






Well, now that I'm back... I'm hoping to get more posts up soon :) Oh and I forgot to mention, I did manage to take a stroll down Oxford St., which is the Gay street of Sydney. It was a Sunday night and some of the clubs and bars were open... But I didn't really step into any of them. Nonetheless, at least now I can claim to have been to Oxford St. in Sydney.

Signing out.

A Well Deserved Escapade

I will be doing some travelling over the next few days and wont be able to update my blog at all. For the next few days I'm going to escape to Sydney and take a break from life in Melbourne.

And I think it would be a much needed break, because sooo much has happened in my life lately... Well, one of the biggest things that happened was that I came out to my closest straight male friend. It was seriously hard, but I think he seems to be okay with the whole thing. Although I've only told him for about a week so far, and I really do not know how he will react in the long run. But for now I am thankful that he accepts me for who I am.

So yup, I'll be away for a bit, and would probably only start posting again in a weeks time... cheers :) If I can escape from my straight friends (whom I'm going on holiday with), I might even post some pictures of Oxford St., the gay central of Sydney :)

Signing out.

Petty Terminology

Recently I was on the internet looking up the term GLBT, which stands for Gay, Lesbians, Bi, and Trans. And I found something very interesting, you see… apparently some groups of people are unhappy with the term because it doesn’t accurately describe the homosexual community which should really only consist of GLB.

Certain people are of the view that transsexuals are not really considered gay, because if they did actually have a sex change… then if they have sex, it would still be a heterosexual relationship. For example if a guy had a sex change to become a chick, then if she has sex with another guy, wouldn’t it be considered heterosexual sex? And this should also apply to a girl becoming a guy but has sex with girls. With all due respect, it’s a hetero activity. This is by no means a post of me being anti-trans, I have nothing against them, in fact I’m even sympathetic towards them because unlike us gays, they are actually straight but trapped in the body of the other sex. So no… this isn’t about me being homophobic towards trans… or transphobic? Cool term… yup, I’m not transphobic, its just that I find it interesting to know the correct definition of the homosexual community.



If it is a term only to describe the gay people, then most certainly it should only be GLB, adding a T in just broadens the scope of the definition, which not necessarily is a bad thing I may add. Of course some people are of the opinion that the term to better describe the whole GLB + T community as a whole is QUEER. Cause this means its not just describing the homo community but also the trans community. This is probably why moe and more social communities, I noticed especially in Uni, have switched to calling the GLBT department the QUEER department. Problem solved!!! :)

Okay not really… odd, strange, unusual… these are all meanings of the word QUEER in a conventional dictionary. So at the back of my mind, I just feel that the term QUEER is a little derogatory, okay maybe I’m being a little petty, but I do feel that way… because why should we be termed as odd, strange and unusual when we’re clearly human just like everyone else apart from the fact that we like people of the same sex. So why accept this term that alines us as being different? Are we really that different from others apart from our sexual orientation, which should really remain a private detail anyway?

So I think I’m more a fan of using the term GLBT, and honestly I’m happy to have the trans on our side… as long as they don’t mind being mis-termed as gay, since they are clearly straight but trapped in the wrong gender. Anyway, these are just my thoughts…


Signing out.

I Am... Yours

So last night I did one of the most fun things ever, I went to Beyonce's concert!!! Thats one 'Things to do before I die' to mark off :) It was funny though, since it was Beyonce... naturally lots of gay people where there... cause we totally luv her! I bought my tickets really early, sometime in April this year and I got the standing tickets, so I was literally 5 metres away from Beyonce the whole nite. Standing next to me was this rather cute looking gay guy, but he was annoying because he kept trying to push in closer to the stage.



Well, the night started off with Jessica Mauboy and Flo-rida opening the show for Beyonce, and they were both great... Tho certainly not as great as Beyonce herself. As I mentioned, I had the standing tickets, which were the closest available to the stage, and there were a lot of pushing going on, because all the late comers wanted to push in and get closer to the stage. That was pretty annoying, and I literally was squished by them trying to push in. >.< At first being a gentlemen, I didn't want to push back, but after almost 15 minures of pushing... between Flo-rida's opening act and Beyonce's opener, bye bye mister nice guy... I freaking started to push back. Anyway, despite all the pushers, the moment Beyonce came out, everyone were entranced by her and the pushing finally stopped. She just had sooo much energy and soo much 'Umpph'!!! It was trully a pleasure watching her perform life. She performed all her chart toppers new and old, some even going as far back as the Destiny Child's era :) it was really really amazing.




The performance throughout the night was spectacular, but Beyonce shocked everyone by dedicating Halo to the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson, and that for me was the icing on the cake upon a great performance. Me being a big fan of Michael Jackson and Beyonce was brought literally to tears by that act.

The photos taken were from my handphone, so they were mostly quite blur. However the performance was so great that its permenantly etched in my memory and I don't really need photos at all. All I can say is that thank you Beyonce for the great time you gave me, I really really enjoyed myself!





Beyonce I luv you!!! Signing out.

Ego... One Of The Many Roots Of Stupidity

I think I just let my ego get the better of me Saturday night… I went out for dinner and some drinks with some gay friends Saturday night, which was fun :) Anyway, there was this one guy (lets call him K) which I didn’t really fancy who came along as well. I don’t like K one bit because he is too up himself. He is an Asian that wasn’t born in Aussieland, but lived here most of his life … He thinks he is better than all the other people, he thinks he is very hot, he thinks he is very funny… well basically you get the idea, he thinks he is on top of the world. And I hate people like that, I mean, I like a guy with confidence, but he is just way too stucked up… he’s one of those guys that thinks the world revolves around him… Which luckily for all the love of the world, it doesn’t.

I hope you get the idea now that I don’t like this dude at all, but recently he’s broken up with his boyfriend, so he’s hanging out with us more and more. After dinner we headed to this gay bar for drinks, that was where meet one of K’s friend, Y. Y was a pretty nice dude, had a cute English accent, and a very cute face. And I sorta liked him quite a bit, and after talking to him for a while, I thought he was much friendlier than his friend K. Well Y even joined us dancing at another gay club, which we adjourned to after drinks.

Anyway, I had this debate going on in my head the whole night on whether or not I should ask Y out. But in the end, as I said, I let my ego got the better of me. I wanted nothing at all to do with K, and so I also felt that it was inappropriate that I asked one of his friends out.

Now thinking back, I think I was a bit dumb… and way too egoistic. I’m not usually egoistic like that, but around K, I always try to put up a strong front to boost up my ego. I guess some people brings out the worse in us, and K is that person. Its just that, I’m a bit of a pessimist… and if Y rejects me, or just plays around with me… then K will get all these juicy stories about me from his friend… and the last thing I want is to show my weaker side to K.

So… I turned down an opportunity to get to know Y better, all because of K… Haha, I think I dislike him more now than ever, even though its more my own doing than his. I’ve decided, if I do see Y again, I’ll definitely ask him out :)

Signing out.

Whats Your Flavour?

I am a person that is very into snogging and kissing… No, I mean really! really! into it. One of the things I noticed most is that every kiss tastes different. Its almost like drinking red wine… its all fermented grape juice… but some are smooth, some are dry, some are spicy, some have a citrus taste, some have a flowery taste, some have a woody taste, some have a refreshing taste… those are what distinguishes each wine from one another. But what makes every glass of wine even more unique is the fact that the flavour is not only affected by what goes into making the wine, but also by the kind of food being eaten with the wine. The very same wine will have the same base taste, but can taste quite different when eaten with different food, for example with lamb or beef.



Well wine may not be a very good analogy, but I feel that kisses are a bit like that. A guy has a base flavour, but depending on what he ate… the taste of the kiss can vary a little… and I guess it also depends on what I have been eating. All those details contribute to the flavour of the kiss.

I’m not sure about other people, but this flavour is a big detail to me. I wouldn’t enjoy a guy if his kisses tasted weird, cause yea… it’s a big thing for me. Okay hold on… let me rephrase that, I wouldn’t have enjoyed kissing a guy if his kisses tasted weird, but enjoying a guy has a totally different meaning, especially if he was hot, but my post isn’t to discuss that, I’m here to talk about kisses :) Hmm… one thing is for sure, my future other half definitely has to be a guy that kisses well, and tastes good, or if he already tastes good but cant kiss well… then he’ll have to learn. LoL. This is also why I don’t really date guys that smoke, because I can’t imagine kissing a smoky and ashy mouth. No offence to all the smokers out there, its your choice to smoke, and mine to dislike it >.<

So why did I bring up kisses? Well it all started with this guy I kissed last week. I’m not here to tell you about what transpired after the kiss… I’m here to tell you about the kiss. You see he was soo good and tasted soo unique… that after almost 1 week… I can still bloody taste him in my mind. He tasted special… a flavour I can’t actually put my mind on… he tasted like a combination of salmon with soy sauce, wine and coke… or maybe something else… its a bit like KFC, you cant really figure out the secret ingredient, and since I wasn’t about to ask him, I just left it at there, and savoured the kisses.

Anyway, he is in a complicated limbo relationship and even though I liked his kisses, I’m not about to get myself into any complicated stuff, so we definitely can’t get together. And because of that I wouldn’t really go out on a date with him again, as I don’t want to develop feelings for someone I can’t be with.

All I have to take with me from that date was his incredible kissing skill… and his incredible taste. Yup… I can still taste him after 1 whole week, so you can only imagine how good he tasted, and how much I liked it :) I wonder if the taste of a kiss matters to anyone other than me. Or am I just weird in that sense? LoL.



Signing out.

Pelangi Flag March

Gosh... I never intended for this blog to be political or non-political... but I guess there is just something deep down inside that I want to say :) I was just wondering, if its okay to carry a lembu (cow in malay) head and march down a street, would it also be okay to carry a pelangi (rainbow in malay) flag and march down a street ? :P

I mean so far, a lot of protesters have done much less harmful demonstration, with no animals harmed in the process... but got arrested or dispersed by authorities. Here however, is a group of protesters protesting with a lembu head, but is allowed to get away with it? Hmm... is this just an isolated case? or is the government becoming more liberal and more open minded to protests? Cause if they are? then maybe its time we bring the pelangi flag and have a happy march down one of the important streets in the country :)



I mean... it would not be too hard to gather a fair numbers of gays all together in one spot for this to happen right? How do I know it wouldn't be hard? Well according to Axcest there are 47 thousand registered users scattered all over the the country... Assuming most of them are Malaysians 10 percent of that is more than 4000 people... if we were to have a pelangi march with 4000 people, that would be pretty impressive wouldn't it? Time to show them we exist and matter... No?

I can already hear some of you screaming ISA! ISA! ISA! But hey, can they fit 4000 people all into Kamunting? LoL, might end up like a night in MP or Oblique (clubs in Malaysia) Haha!



xx{to all authority figures who are reading this: This post is just a harmless hypothesis of what could happen, I am not planning anything what so ever}xx

Signing out.

Movie: Eighteen

Eighteen (2005)



I recently watched another gay themed film that was really quite good, its called Eighteen, directed by Richard Bell. In terms of plot, it’s a really good film, I mean most gay films depend on a hot sex scene, or really hot actors to make the show remotely good. This show on the other hand… had a good plot and a terrific theme.

The show tells the story about an adolescent boy that has ran away from home. On his eighteenth birthday, he received a birthday present from his dead grandfather, which was a recorded voice tape. The tape retold the story of his grandfather’s war experience in France, with another injured war medic. There were some underlying gay lust here, for those of you wondering :) And through out the movie, the boy ,named Pip, listened to bit and pieces of the tape, which sort of paralleled his life as a runaway.

As a runaway, Pip befriends a gay hustler named Clark, and also Father Chris, a kind young priest that tries to understand and help Pip. Along the way, Pip also picks up a girlfriend, Jenny, and they both fell madly in love with each other. By the way, the guy who played Father Chris is the same guy that played the Nightcrawler in X-men.

Well, the main thing I got from the show was that life is about appreciating the things we have at hand, and not to lament about the things we’ve lost or the things that we could have had… (like one of my previous posts). And also, the show tells us that sometimes we have to be realistic in life, even though the reality is always rougher and more difficult to deal with. For example Pip realised that ultimately his hustler friend, Clark, hustled out of a need for survival. And Pip’s grandfather, through his war story learned that in war, sometimes you have to kill another in order to survive… it’s a dog eat dog world? Sad but true…



There is one really really scary scene in the movie though, whereby a father forces his gay son (which just came out to him) to blow him, just to prove that he really is gay. I was horror-struck at that scene, and was really freaked out by it. All I can say is that, these are the types of nightmares gay people have when we think about coming out to our parents. Though I’m pretty sure that at this moment in time, my parents won’t be ready for me to come out to them yet, I’m positively sure they won’t act in the same way as that demonic hellspawn of a father in that movie. Thank God, phew.

The film contained elements of Anger, Confusion, Hate, Forgiveness, Love, and Fear… And its when all these conflicting elements are brought together in one film, that the viewers are touched where it matters most, our hearts.

Well as I said, I felt that overall it was a pretty good film, despite the low rating on IMDB. Secretly I think IMDB rates it low cause most of the readers are American, and they are jealous of this Canadian production :P



Signing out.

Why Is It So Difficult To Just Reply A Message?

Maybe my online profile picture is not hot enough, but I usually get a lot of non-reply to my messages. And that is really very very annoying. I go through the trouble to type a message to a guy, although it might be a short message asking, how are you? Would you like to be friends? And in return I don’t even get a reply? Haha… how mean >.< Truthfully, I’d much rather the guy reply a simple no thank you, I’m not interested, rather than absolutely not reply at all… Leaving me to wonder whether or not the message got lost in cyber space. I seriously would much prefer a reply of rejection, rather than not getting a response. I don’t know how most people grew up, but I was always taught to be polite, even when rejecting people.



“No thank you, not interested. Have a nice day.”
(letter count : 46) and that’s inclusive of the punctuation and the spaces, sigh… even if one took 2 seconds to type 1 letter, typing that sentence would take less than 2 minutes…

It’s a good thing I don’t have low self esteem, otherwise getting no reply to the messages I send can be very detrimental to my mental health!!! LoL

Signing out.

4 Hours a Day

I think I just found out that men are not meant to sleep for only 4 hours a day, 4 days in a row. For the past 4 nights, I have been sleeping for less than 4 hours a day, and I can tell you my body is not liking it at all. This week was a killer week for me, had 3 assignments due Wednesday, Thursday and Friday respectively, and had a mid-semester exam on Friday.

But my nightmare of sleepless nights actually started Sunday night, you see, it was Merdeka eve celebrations on Sunday night... And I went a little over board with my drinking :P I'm not too proud of that... but I guess whats happened can't be helped.



So this left me with a nasty hangover for half of Monday, and most of my monday was essentially a non-productive day. By the time I fully recovered from the hangover, it was already well into the evening... So that was when I started working on my 3 assignments and also my studying for the mid-semester test.




And I'll have you know that the 3 assingments were massive assignments, each worth more than 15% of the subjects... So I really had to work my ass off in order to do well in them. Well I guess due to my busy-ness, I have been unable to update my blog. But worry not, I'm back :) But firstly, I need to catch up on some of the lost sleep of mine, then there will be more wacky thoughts and blog updates after that.


Signing out.

Semi-Homophobic

Just yesterday I went out with a group of friends, 2 other guys and 2 chicks. The two other guys were gay as well, and the two chicks were most certainly not F** H**s, we were all just good friends. Anyway, over dinner we were having a discussion about homophobia. And the girls were saying how they don’t understand why some of their straight guy friends can be so homophobic. One of them was even saying that she feels she can’t ever date a guy that is homophobic coz she has so many gay friends :) Hurray to her!



So I sorta tried to rationale with the girls by saying, yea some straight guys are homophobic because they think gay guys would jump and rape them whenever we get the chance. Some of the straight guys fail to realise that gay guys are just like any civilised human being. Just coz we thing you’re hot, doesn’t mean we’re going to rape you, its pretty much the same thing as a guy saying another girl looks hot… that doesn’t mean that straight guy is going to just rape her… right? I mean c’mon, GET REAL!

I told the girls that if I was straight and a gay guy told me I was hot, I should really just take it as a compliment. I mean if a girl walked up to me and say “Babe, ur hot!” (which incidentally never happened before T.T) I’d certainly take that as a compliment, even though I’m gay. And the girls were totally nodding in agreement. I then said to the girls, I mean if a lesbian walked up to you and told you you’re hot, you’d certainly take that as a compliment right? WRONG! The girls started shaking their heads saying that they would be totally weirded out. Huh?



I spent the next hour trying to reason with them that it was basically the same thing, but nope… no matter what I said, the girls didn’t see it from my point of view. After the whole conversation, they still feel that they would be totally weirded out with the idea of another lesbian having the hots for them.

I suppose its another case of getting spooked by the things we don’t understand. The girls, which were our good friends understood gays quite well, and didn’t feel threatened by gays, so they weren’t homophobic towards gays. But, since they didn’t understand lesbians, they were homophobic towards them. So I guess in some sense, they were semi-homophobic. I was honestly quite taken aback with the things I discussed over dinner last night. I mean, here they are bagging their homophobic guy friends for disliking gay guys, whereas on the other hand, they dislike lesbians because the idea of lesbians having the hots for them is weird.

I suppose its high time people started to understand each other better so we can stop all these hatred in the world. I guess it would be perfect if the girls understood the fact that the lesbians wont rape them anymore than gays would rape straight guys just because we have the hots for them. Sigh… it takes time for these things to happen, I understand that. So for now, I’m just glad my girl friends understand gays and accept us for who we are :) Coz its always nice to have a girl friend to discuss things with :P

Signing out.