Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sweethearts



Something I always regret not having is a high school sweetheart. I went to a co-ed school, and a lot of my friends ended up having boyfriends and girlfriends with people from the same school, that was something I couldn’t have and truly envied them for it. I guess like now, back in high school, I was never a very attractive guy, if I had to criticise my high school demeanour… I was always over opinionated and also always overweight. So because of these unpleasant qualities, even though all my friends slowly one by one paired up with each other… I never really got a girlfriend.

I guess more importantly the reason I didn’t get a girlfriend (like the rest of my guy friends) wasn’t because the girls weren’t interested in me being over opinionated and overweight, it was more so because I simply wasn’t interested in them. DUH, I was more interested in guys of course. And since it was Malaysia, there was no way I was going to come out of the closet to look for a boyfriend and expose myself to the chance of being alienated by all my other school friends when they find out I’m gay. So throughout my high school in Malaysia, I remained single despite the fact that I always dreamt of having a high school sweetheart.

After high school life in Malaysia, I did a few years of high school in an Australian boys’ school. Wow! Lots of eye candy indeed. But even though Australia is a much more liberal and supposedly non-discriminating country, I remained in the closet and didn’t come out in search of a high school sweetheart. After all I was just an outsider cutting into their school for the last few years of high school. I very much wanted to just blend in and be accepted by the students there, the last thing I want is to out myself and risk being ostracised by my new found friends.

This finally brings me to uni, where I started seeing guys from other unis and some that were even working. I actually never once dated a guy from my uni. Hmm… if I can’t have a high school sweetheart, then the least I can do is get a uni sweetheart right?

What is my idea of a high school/ uni sweetheart? Well it would be someone from the same uni that I go to, that would be able to catch up with me in uni during lunch breaks and eat cheap yucky canteen food together; or wait for each other’s lectures to finish so that we can walk each other home; or to meet up in the library to study together for exams; or just to sit down in one of the many cafes in uni for coffee between lectures. That’s my fantasy idea of a high school/ uni sweetheart, someone you date that shares the same education life as well as life outside school with you…



I have yet to fulfil this dream of mine and as usual, time and tide waits for no man, gay or straight. And I have but one year of uni left to fulfil this fairytale fantasy of mine. With the final year always being the toughest, I wonder if I would have the time for a uni sweetheart this late in life… Nonetheless I can truthfully say that if the chance does present itself, I would gladly grab it regardless of how busy I am. Who knows, maybe I can study better when my uni sweetheart is by my side :P



Signing out.

4 comments:

  1. Totally understand what you mean as I've never really been involved myself. Let's just keep our fingers crossed and hope that providence has it all planned out for us and everything will end with a happy-ever-after. *crosses toes too!*

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  2. I never really know or confirmed whether I'm gay or straight during high school years... So all the while, when my friend was rating and observing all these girls.. I just join them and crap along...

    I wish I have/had admit that I'm gay in the past, at least, I can enjoy the view when they go topless during PJ lessons... haha

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  3. yes evann, i have my hair crossed too :P

    thanks ichi

    oh yes jer... pj classes :)

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